We have such hectic lifestyles, so much to do in such little time. Family pressures, work pressures, social pressures all pulling on our limited time resources and draining our already depleted energy reserves. Our busy lifestyles have rendered us so emotionally and mentally saturated that we find it easier to say yes then to deal with the emotions of saying no, by this I mean the fear of rejection and the guilt that saying no generates in us.
As a result of a lifetime of conditioning we feel obligated to say yes to requests from family members, a resulting no would end up in an argument and would bring up so much guilt and a deep sense of responsibility. Giving in and saying yes helps keep the peace, everyone is happy (except for us) and we let ourselves believe that it means that we can control the situation.
To say no to work colleagues would mean that we are not a team player and the result would be that we no longer fitted in, with the added risk of losing their respect. We fear our colleagues may see us as inadequate, unable to cope with added pressure. We may even believe that saying no could affect our chances of promotion within the company.
Some of us believe that saying no to social events renders us unsociable, uncaring, hostile and downright rude. Worse still, we may even feel that we will miss out if we don’t accept these invites.
We may also believe that saying no to a partner may make them think twice about our relationship therefore we sometimes believe that we have to put their needs before our own just to keep their interest, just to make them happy above all else, regardless of how we feel.
People who say Yes all the time are likely to suffer from stress, tension, burnout, eventually leading to depression. People only ask favours from people they know will say yes, they never ask anyone they know will say no. By you saying no, they will only go and ask someone else. If this leaves you feeling left out, undervalued, rejected – then these are issues you need to deal with in order to build your self esteem to the level where you don’t need other people’s approval in order to give your life value.
Sometimes it takes great courage to say no. But we need to remember that it’s important to say no when it comes to safeguarding your health.
Such a small word can bring up such huge fear in people. The thought of saying no makes us feel that we will lose out, suddenly we have to make a decision – yes or no – and that creates such stress and anxiety in us. The fear of making the wrong decision renders us helpless. To most people the word no means rejection, and a personal rejection at that. This is especially true when someone is sensitive or an empath, as they put themselves in the other person’s shoes and they don’t want to disappoint them. Doing so would be a rejection of sorts and they don’t want to do that. Also they fear they may be seen as an aggressor and no body wants to be seen as an aggressor.
Lorie Marrero gives 3 tips to saying No in her video below,
- Remember that No is a complete sentence! You do not have to explain yourself to everyone, even though you may feel that you should.
- If you must explain use the neutral word ‘available.’ ‘I’m not available.’
- Ask for more time to decide. ‘I need to get back to you on that.’
According to psychotherapist, Jonathan, at www.inc.com there are 7 steps to saying no.
- Say it. Avoid delaying or stalling, just say it.
- Be assertive and courteous. ‘I can’t right now but will let you know if and when I can.’
- Understand people’s tactics. Are they being manipulative, using social pressure?
- Set boundaries. A solid relationship will withstand a no answer.
- Put the question back on the person asking the question. Note: This is good with a boss ‘I’m happy to do X, Y, and Z; however, I would need three weeks, rather than two, to do a good job. How would you like me to prioritize them?’
- Be firm. ‘If someone can’t accept your no, then you know the person is probably not a true friend or doesn’t respect you. Stand firm, and don’t feel compelled to give in just because that person is uncomfortable.’
- Be selfish. ‘The difference between successful people and very successful people is that very successful people say no to almost everything.’
Establishing rules and setting limits is an important part of parenting and saying no is crucial in doing so.
And finally, how not to say no. I thought I’d inject a little humour into this blog post by including the following clip from Scrubs, where Dr Cox says NO in a number of different ways (funny).
Infusion Techniques ™ are a series of simple techniques to help you access your light within and help you connect with your higher self.
If you would like further information on these techniques, then my book Cosmic Light: Through The Higher Mind – Infusion Techniques ™ will teach you 32 powerful techniques on how to connect with your higher self, clear your links with the past, and remain firmly in the power of the now.
© Marian Ryan January 2018